The holidays have come around once more, and how better to celebrate than by watching an obscure psychological horror movie about cannibalism? It's 1989's Parents, and the boys are more than happy to tuck right in. Topics sectioned out and lightly braised include the oppressive weirdness of 1950s America, Randy Quaid's absurd sweatiness, and a deep analysis of Bridge strategy. Activity Corner: Guess which one of the hosts was drinking, and win a prize!
Our Boy Rob radios in from the front with a critical message for the Resis-- oh wait no he's just recording a minisode in his work van like a total ding-dong. At least he's not pretending it's the first take and not like the fifth... he is? Is he also complaining about Massachusetts drivers? Goddamnit. We can't air this, cut the mic, CUT THE M
In the unofficial Lost Episode of 2016, Rob & Jim needle each other with terrible jokes while trying desperately to talk about Uninvited, a 90-minute movie about a poisonous mutant cat killing randos on a yacht. This summary is about five times more awesome than the movie actually is. Topics discussed include the state of the Party Camp Cinematic Universe, how to incriminate yourself for a murder you did not actually commit, and whether or not Wing Commander had better cat puppets. Next time: The Ballad of Actual Cannibal Randy Quaid!
CONTENT WARNING: the jokes are really bad, guys
Facing an unprecedented surge in worldwide ant populations, Rob & Jim are dispatched to the latest incident site and given full access to the resources of the Technodrome... but only for 48 hours. After spending two weeks knocking over anthills with a grenade launcher, they engage the dome's defense systems and discover that - due to a slight miscommunication - they're armed with a popular Coldplay single instead of experimental insecticide. The ants eat the flesh from their bones, and the world is devoured by the All-Consuming Overhive. Kind of an improvement, honestly. Up next: an orange cat that hates both Mondays and Clu Gulager!
Emerging from their podcast bunker, Rob & Jim find themselves in a changed world. A world where right is wrong, where truth is falsehood, and where a movie called Phenomena contains few phenomena and a whole lot of nothing. Discussions include how to properly pronounce 'Wagner,' a brief digression on the Halloween series, and what Rob would choose as his supervillain name. There's... not a whole lot else. Next time: ants! ANTS! AAAAAAAANTS!
Having been fans of the theatre for some time, Rob & Jim finally get a chance to Meet the Feebles, and what they discover backstage is truly shocking. Topics discussed include the mechanics of walrus sex, the exact value of a puppet's life, and when it's acceptable to use live ammunition in a movie shoot. Also: the horrors of Puppet Vietnam.
Having sought out the legendary artifact, Rob & Jim open the Lament Configuration and experience a whole new dimension of suffering: the final theatrically-released Hellraiser movie, Hellraiser: Bloodline! Topics carved into their flesh include praise for Doug Bradley's amazing performance, the abridged filmography of Alan Smithee, and whether or not the puzzle box has ever made sense as a prop. Plus: If you would like to hasten Rob & Jim's escape from Hell, please donate one drop of blood per episode to get access to our bonus recordings. For three drops of blood, we will attempt to scream your name from the depths of the ninth circle!
Rob & Jim run afoul of the Gummo Curse, which is to say they've had a very strange week and are also having trouble talking about Gummo. Are these things related? Maybe. Topics briefly touched upon include nihilism, simulated animal cruelty, and fruit flies. Lots and lots and lots of fruit flies. In the process of writing this summary I've killed at least a dozen, so that's how my day is going. How are you? Next time: we're bringing this cube to SPACE!
Rob & Jim have a very special friend they would like to introduce you to. He's... kind of a Santa Claus, but also kind of an uncle? He's My Uncle: The Alien, and he has an important message for you kids about classism. Topics awkwardly raised over Thanksgiving dinner include the complete incompetence of the secret service, when it's appropriate to threaten children with death in a movie intended for kids, and a bizarre digression about aliens that is immediately forgotten about. Also: OUTLAW! LASER! ROBO-GEEK!
Rob & Jim are dispatched to contain The Blob, a movie that is criminally under-evangelized compared to its contemporaries, The Thing and The Fly. The boys have a theory as to why, but they spend most of the episode gushing about the INCREDIBLE special effects, the surprisingly nuanced secondary character interactions, and exactly how much poop needs to be added to water before it officially becomes poopwater. The answer will (probably not) surprise you! Plus: we discover the first canonical appearance of Johnny Fiveaces.
Rob & Jim take flight on a magical pegasus to visit My Little Pony: The Movie, a film that vacillates between 'colorful fun' and 'hypercapitalist nightmare' at the drop of a hat. Topics discussed include the 1980s Hasbro monomyth, when it's okay to sing in a cartoon baby voice (spoiler: fucking never), and whether or not it's possible to stop the Smooze. Also: please welcome our special guest, the King of Grundle Land!
Having been found guilty of nondescript space crimes, Rob & Jim are sentenced to watch The Borrower, a movie that must continually swap heads with other movies in order to limp across the 86-minute finish line. Topics of discussion include surface-level readings of John McNaughton's previous work, when it's appropriate to use a closeup of a dog (vs. a closeup of a dog puppet), and why movies seem to think the 80s were a crime infested murderpit from hell. Up next: Get ready to meet the Grundle King!
Rob & Jim crash land on the Planet of the Vampires and immediately split into two opposing factions. Hotly debated topics include whether the uniforms are really that goofy, the quiet brilliance of otherwise mundane production choices, and a smattering of Neal Stephenson shade. In the end they kill each other over a packet of astronaut ice cream, and their skeletons are discovered thousands of years later by confused and deeply sexist Italian spacemen. Plus: Ice Cube!
Rob & Jim stall for as long as they can, but are eventually forced to discuss Hey Good Lookin', a Ralph Bakshi film in all possible respects. A live existential crisis follows. Topics discussed include the arc of Bakshi's career, how the movie's dialogue isn't terrible (except for all the racism), and why it's sad that Cool World is the "best" Bakshi film. Also: Remember when people thought "Superfly Johnson" was the worst possible name for a black character? Have we got a surprise for you!
Rob & Jim find themselves six feet under with Dead & Buried, and they couldn't be happier. Topics discussed include the senseless slaughter of classic vehicles, whether or not it's appropriate to teach children witchcraft, and the perfect casting of Jack "Grandpa Joe" Albertson as a cheery mortician with a dark secret. Plus: we break our pull streak with the jinx to end all jinxes. STAY TUNED!
Rob & Jim fawn over Superstition, a film containing a scene in which Stacy Keach Sr. is telekinetically buzzsawed in half by a three hundred year old ghost witch. Sure, other insane things happen in this movie - surprise hangings, corpsewater pool parties, uncomfortable parental alcoholism - but it's hard to top. Also: always remember to silence your phone before podcasting, but if you can't, then at least pick a hilariously vulgar ringtone.
Rob & Jim get destroyed by Party Camp, a movie that is barely about partying or camping. Instead, a bunch of nobody scumbags mug for the camera and deliver stupid unearned punchlines, all of which are listed and analyzed in this episode. Every single one. Yes, even the ones about bug fucking. Plus: telepathic hogs!
Rob & Jim witness a careless misuse of the last days of a beloved horror icon, and chart the trajectory of a Japanese* camera company with big dreams and bad ideas. Or possibly bad dreams and big ideas, we're not sure. Also: we've either pulled another fake movie, or a secretly amazing movie.
* not actually Japanese
Rob & Jim get blindsided by Android, a quirky film about a quirky robot and some quirky criminals, one of whom turns out to be a quirky multiple murderer. Topics discussed include laser pornography, how best to sabotage your boss's lunch date, and whether or not all people in the future know Shakespeare. Also: Klaus Kinski's portrayal of a weird German pervert is surprisingly effective.
In which Rob & Jim dissect a cult classic about Nazis and aliens(wizards?? vampires???), with a little bit of outside knowledge and a heaping pile of praise for the trippy soundtrack.
... it's just a shame that sometimes the soundtrack is all you can hear, or that every time Scott Glenn is on screen the plot crumples like a cheap suit. There's also some weeeiiiird stuff going on with how the film treats its Nazi characters, versus how it treats an entity that is supposedly the Ultimate Evil, but we'll get to that later. We'll get to everything later.
P.S. Hey, Mike? Watch your back, that Wilson guy gives me the creeps...
Brace yourselves for heartbreak, as Rob is forced to confront the fact that a movie he enjoyed on MST3K may not actually be very good. Deadpan acting and bizarre soundtrack choices are discussed at length, and Jim has a distressingly plausible theory as to who this movie was for. Plus: How much did Rob like the Melting Man's bone gloves? The answer will surprise you.
Rob & Jim meander their way through Q: The Winged Serpent, which is mostly about terrible policemen occasionally crossing paths with a dragon. Topics discussed also include uncomfortable police brutality jokes, why you should always have your lawyer present when holding the city hostage, and whether or not Michael Moriarty can actually play the piano. Evil dreams!